This post was supposed to be titled “The magic of Christmas”. I was looking forward writing it since January this year. And now it is titled what it is. If you are currently struggling with Christmas, looking for holiday and Christmas spirit your self you may want to skip this post. You won’t find it here. If you are very much into the season and you may have some holiday spirit and Christmas magic to share? Keep on reading. I sure need some. Because this is the year I lost the Christmas magic.
And being here for more than a few days you know that Christmas is my favorite season. That Christmas crafts are my favorite crafts. That I even have special nail polish for Christmas. That I read Christmas books and watch every available Christmas movie. But something is severely off this year.
It is four days before Christmas.
I have not pulled out a single piece of decoration from my four Christmas boxes. Heck they are buried the farthest away they can be. I have not made an advent wreath. Not for my mother. Not for myself. I have cookie dough sitting ready to be baked for over a week now. And I just can’t. I have started stuffing myself with cookie dough so it will be gone because I can not find energy to bake it. Decorate them. Eat them. And I have no one to give them too.
For the past weeks I have been doing everything to spread the joy of Christmas.
I have ordered all the presents. I have wrapped them. I have sent them off to my sister so they get there in time. I have written cards to elderly people unknown to me to make them enjoy Christmas. I have written 30 cards to friends and family. I have partaken ins several secret Santas. I have dropped off Christmas presents at friends. I even made gifts for the delivery people.
All those things but my heart is not catching on. And I did try.
I have watched a ridiculous amount of cheesy Christmas movies. I have read a couple Christmas books. I have listened to Christmas music. I even was on a Christmas market.
Just a few minutes ago I realized I forgot to buy my Christmas tree candles. (Yes I am still one of the few people having real candles on the tree.)
And that just pushed me over the edge. For the first time ever a thought popped up in my mind: What if I just don’t get a tree at all this year. What if, if Christmas is not happening this year.
I know many people struggle with this time of year. I have never been one. Until now. I am not feeling very well. It may be my migraine talking. It may be that my mental health is not all that well. I’m not sure. All I know is that I don’t get into the Christmas spirit. And that I am starting to not care. And that does seem like a wake up call.
Anyway. I will stopp this petty party now. Tell me about you favorite Christmas and Holiday tradition. Tell me about last time you felt the magic of Christmas. Tell me about a year Christmas was tough for you. And tell me should I get a tree? Should I bake those cookies?