How often do you sit down and think? Do you remember those nights during school and early university where for nights one would sit and discuss all those strange things. Where thoughts and ideas for pondered – often time becoming ridiculous but the discussing was just so fun? One goal of my 101 things in 1000 days list is to answer all the question of the 50 Questions that will free your mind. I felt like I needed to challenge myself to think a bit more about what is important to me. Dig deeper, analyze and sit with a few questions. I am not yet sure if I will be answering them all online but for today I get started and share the answers.
One member of my family often throws in one of those crazy questions when the evening is progressing and it does make for fun and interesting conversations. Suddenly learning new things about people you know for 20 years. So very entertaining. I guess that somewhat made me want to ask myself a few questions.
1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
Definitively not forty. I just don’t feel my age. Not when I look in the mirror. Not when I listen to what I say. Not for the insecurities I carry around. But I am not really sure how old I would feel… I do have some sort of live experience. I also have some physical aches and feels – which are some sort of age indicator, no? But then I can be amazed like a kid, curious even. On the other hand I am not as reckless.
I find this the hardest question in this lot here. I have been thinking about it for several days now. There are still countries where children are born without a birth certificate. Where the exact date is not fixed somewhere. How do these people feel? How do they indicate time and age? It is so foreign to my thinking that I can really not pinpoint.
I guess in the end I would maybe feel a few years younger. Something around early thirties. But then maybe we all feel younger than we are?
2. Which is worse, failing or never trying?
I want to say never trying. But when I have to be honest and think about this questions more deeply I fear the true answer is failing. And then maybe not. So lets eleborate a bit.
I wish I was keener in taking risk and try things without the fear of failing. And do not get me wrong at times I do. Like my 100 day challenges or the 101 goals in 1000 days. Specially with the last one I knew it’s almost impossible to achieve everything on the list. Maybe because some things are outside of my influence and therefore I can blame a failure to that. I easily start those things and live by “it’s worse to not even trying”.
And then there are things I ponder so long, for years and I fear taking the first step because my head is already at the end with the worst case scenario. One reason for not starting. The other one is the perfectionist talking that only wants to get started when knowing everything.
And at those times my heart knows its worse to not start trying. But my head sabotages it all.
Want to hear a list of things that have (until now) fallen to the wayside of this thinking:
- writing a book for my nephew and niece
- opening an Etsy shop and selling jewelry
- opening an Etsy shop and selling my art
- becoming a professional volleyball player
- pursuing a different career
And those are just the one at the top of my head. I am sure I have a lot more things buried in my brain.
3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
For my book club we are currently reading “The Measure” by Nikki Erlick. This popped immediately into mind when reading this question. Its not directly connected but then somehow it is.
Often times I wished there was no need to earn money. I think this is the basis of why most of us can not live the way we would otherwise. This world functions on money. You need to earn it to have food on the table and a roof above your head and cash to pay when you feel sick. Money gives you freedom. Also freedom to do what you want. But then even if having money you fear its not enough and you loose that said freedom. Isn’t that a rather sad concept?
I am sure I am not alone with this train of thought. So why are we permitting such rules in society? I don’t say we should all abandon money and get back to trading or living self sufficient everyone fighting for their own. I guess civilization does need some sort of money. I am sure there are academic papers on it if you look for it.
So maybe. we need to see this things as guidelines. A fundament that makes living together on this planet somewhat organized, civilized. It’s some some of a common compromise. And within those guidelines we can choose how to live.
I think the human being is always somewhat dissatisfied. Always wanting more. On the one hand that drives us, creating all the amazing things. On the other hand it enhances greed and envy.
So the million dollar question is what is the balance you can live with. How many thing you want to do that you actually don’t enjoy. And how many space and time can you create to do those things you love.
You see I’m babbling here. I have no freaking clue. I want to believe that the older I get my priorities shift. While in my 20s I wanted to become a successful businesswoman in the corporate world this has shifted by now. I am a successful business woman but for myself. My main goal is to live a happy life. Do more of the things I enjoy. Like reading, like wandering in nature, like crafting, like being by myself. I think I am getting closer to that. Not every day. Not every month but in general.
4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
Sadly yes. I could do more. I could keep more promises. I could be truer to myself and all the things I wished I do, things I want to volunteer for, things I want to support…. They often fall to the wayside because just at that moment it’s inconvenient.
5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
Greed and Envy. I think those two are the root to all the bad things happening. People who feel like they need more are starting wars. People who envy the power of other are bullies. Murders are done by greed. We keep knowledge to ourself in fear of others coming close to our status and we may loose our privilege. So greed and envy. If we would eliminate them how much better would it all be. We would celebrate our fellow team member receiving a promotion. We would peacefully life together even though some resources are located in other countries. We would tolerate each other more.
So much for today. I can not find a sufficient end to these thoughts. But I leave you with a question: Is there one questions you could easily answer in one sentences? Let me know.
This post is the first of the series to answer all 50 questions. A thing on my 100 things in 1000 days bucket list.